Almost Morning
by Sati Lotus
Summary: Back in London, Lucy dreams. In Narnia, her dearest love is dying. Character death. TumnusLucy. If it bothers you, don’t read.


**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to CS Lewis. The plot belongs to me.  
**Synopsis:** Back in London, Lucy dreams. In Narnia, her dearest love is dying.   
**Warning:** M. Character death. Nudity. If it bothers you, don't read.  
**Comments:** Feedback is welcomed. It's unbetaed, so don't be too surprised at the many mistakes. I enjoyed writing this, I hope you enjoy reading it.

**Almost Morning  
**  
Lucy was dreaming of Narnia.

That itself was not unusual; Lucy often visited Narnia in her dreams. Ever since that fateful day when the four Kings and Queens of Narnia had hunted the White Stag and returned to life as the four Pevensie children, it had become the only way for her to return.

She was frustrated by her small body. She could move twice as easily and gracefully as a grownup. A child's body simply annoyed her with its clumsiness.  
Her child's body, which no matter how much she willed it, no matter how many times she had returned to the wardrobe in the spare room, would simply not return to Narnia.

_Would not return to her beloved Tumnus_. Lucy rolled over in her sleep.

Narnia. Dear, sweet Narnia. Lucy missed it more than any of them. Her heart ached with longing to see it again. To see the waving banners of Cair Paravel fluttering in the breeze, with their lion emblem. She desperately wanted to hear the songs of the dryads and fauns as they came out at night to celebrate their many holidays. To smell the woodsy scent of the Dancing Lawn woods.

Lucy found it hard to talk to her siblings about her frustration. She knew they shared it and she didn't want to add to their burden. Although it affected them in different ways, she'd noticed.

Peter was still brave and looked out for them, but he became distracted with looking out for others now, without even thinking about it. They'd been at the seaside and a small child had gotten caught up in a riptide, Peter had rushed to help before anyone else had been able too. He'd been nonplussed when the child's parents thanked him.

Edmund had become more caring and more understanding of people in many ways. Their father had returned home from the war, injured in his leg, Edmund took it upon himself to help his father out. Lucy had noticed that her father seemed a little distant and would only talk to Edmund about whatever it was that troubled him. She found it curious, but did not question either of them.

Yet Susan seemed to take the return almost as hard as Lucy had. "I was grown up!" Susan had sobbed one night, sitting on the end of Lucy's bed while her little sister tried to comfort her.

"I was all grown up and beautiful and now I'm just a girl again."

Lucy had tried to think positively. "We can do it all over again, Su. How many people get to do that?"

Susan had stood up and cast Lucy a scornful look. "Oh, you wouldn't understand. I loved having the parties and the balls. I loved them. You were ever the perpetual child. You didn't care for the suitors that came courting you."  
_  
I had no reason to_, Lucy had thought bitterly at the time. My heart loves only one person.

In her sleep, Lucy gripped a red scarf under her pillow, comforted by scratchy wool. She had stubbornly forced herself to knit it, her small fingers fumbling with the long pointed needles. It was barely wider than her arm and about as long. It held many of her tears, having cried herself to sleep yet again.

On the other side of her was a stuffed lion that her grandmother had bought for her from Harrods. To celebrate the return of her grandchildren to London, Grandmother Pevensie had taken the four to the department store. Lucy ran to the toys and selected the lion, which in all honesty, looked not a thing like Aslan.

Edmund had chosen a model ship that he said later reminded him of their great ship in Narnia, the _Splendour Hyaline_, with its swan's head and carved wings.

After much painstaking consideration, Susan had picked out a new dress. She had fussed for nearly an hour picking one out that was "just right'.

Peter had selected a beautiful model unicorn. He had smiled and whispered its name softly to himself. Lucy had been watching him, clutching her new toy to her chest, watching as her brother was lost in memories of leading the Narnian army to war on the back of a moon white unicorn. No one had ever known the name of that unicorn, for it would only appear when Peter needed to ride into battle. And Peter had never revealed its name.

Peter had looked up and seen the toy lion. His face became sad. "What will you name him?" he asked. Lucy hugged the lion tightly, thinking of Aslan's beautiful face.

"Nothing. He doesn't need a name."

Peter smiled and took her by the hand, leading her to the registers where Edmund and their grandmother were waited for Susan to finish picking out her dress. "No," he agreed. "He doesn't need a name."

Snuggled between the toy lion and the red scarf, shadows of the two things Lucy loved best, she dreamed. She dreamed of memories old, but not old.

Yet tonight she was not thinking of the Aslan. Tonight her dreaming mind was focusing on her beloved Tumnus.

But it was only the Great Lion that knew why.

Lucy dreamed of a little cave made of reddish stone. There was a carpet on the floor and two little chairs and a table and a dresser and a mantelpiece over the fire and above that, a picture of an old Faun with a grey beard and another portrait of a young girl with flowing light brown hair. In one corner there was a door which Lucy knew lead to Tumnus's bedroom, and on one wall was a shelf full of books.

Lucy looked around, a smile lighting up her face. She knew this place. She had come here so many times, always staying for tea. She and Tumnus would talk for hours, well into the night, about anything and everything. Sometimes he would visit her at Cair Paravel, but she loved it here too, the simple cosiness making her feel safe and snug.

She walked over to the mantelpiece, wondering why there was a portrait of herself there. Surely that had not been there when she'd been here last? How odd that she should remember it now.

As she reached for it to have a closer look, she noticed her hand. It was not the hand of a child. It was a grownup hand.

Lucy gasped and looked down. She was grown! She was not in her nightgown, but her favourite Narnian dress, a simple light blue satin gown.

Lucy spun around excitedly, wondering where Tumnus was. He would choose today of all days to go down to visit the Beavers.

She noticed that he'd left his favourite red scarf lying carelessly on the floor. That was odd. Tumnus was always careful with his scarves. His father had given him that scarf before he died. It was a precious heirloom.

Lucy picked it up and when she did, she heard the bedroom door creak open.

"Who's there?" a tired voice asked uneasily.

Lucy looked up, and saw, to her great surprise, a faun she barely recognised, and yet did.

For it was Tumnus. A very old, sickly Tumnus.

His curly brown hair was now white, as was his little beard. His goat part was still dark brown, but streaked with silvery grey. He peered at her with watery eyes, holding a candle up with a shaking wrinkled hand.

"Who are you?" he demanded again.

Lucy stepped forward. "It's me, Lucy. Don't you recognise me?"

Tumnus's eyes flickered over to the portrait on the mantelpiece.

"Queen Lucy is dead."

Lucy drew back, startled. "No, Tumnus, I'm right here."

She stepped closer, still holding his scarf.

The faun turned away from her. "Queen Lucy vanished with her royal siblings while hunting the White Stag. They're dead. You're just some ghost come to torment me in my final days."

Lucy reached out for and grabbed his hand. He looked at her in surprise, dropping the candle.

Pale now, Lucy stared fearfully into Tumnus's face.

"What do you mean, final days?"

Ignoring her question, Tumnus stared back at her, searching her face in wonder, hope slowly dawning in his soft blue eyes. "Is it really you, my dear sweet Lucy?"

She nodded, taking in every wrinkle, every sagging movement of his stiff and weary body. "Yes, Tumnus," she whispered. "It's really me."

Lucy began to cry, catching him off guard.

"This is a cruel dream. I don't want to dream of you being old and dying. I want to remember you – us – as we were. I want to be back with you and grow old with you, not have you do it without me."

Tumnus stepped closer and held her tight. Lucy relaxed a little, inhaling the all too familiar scent; something thoroughly animal and yet, a slightest hint of something human and spicy. She had never figured out what it was.

Tumnus's old and shaking fingers stroked her hair, his fingers weaving through her long light brown locks to caress her scalp.

"Lucy," he whispered, "This is no dream. I am sorry that I grew old without you. I know I promised you that we would do it together. But you weren't here. No one knew where you had vanished too. I searched for you. I never gave up hope."

He smiled sadly and looked down into her tearful eyes.

"But only Aslan has the power to halt Father Time. And he didn't. So now I am old. And you are young."

Lucy rested her forehead against his, gazing into his eyes. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to leave. I wish I hadn't. All I wanted was to stay here and be with you."

Tumnus smiled. "Think of all those teas we missed having."

Lucy's voice was laden with sorrow when she spoke next.

"There are many things we missed out on, my beloved Tumnus."

He looked at her, his goat like ears flickering a little. He understood what she meant. Tumnus released her, tense.

"Aslan made it clear that our love was not meant to be. I am in this body and you are in yours. That is all there is to it."

He forced a weary smile. "Now, if you don't mind, my darling Queen, I need to rest. I am so tired." He started to turn back to his bedroom.

"Wait." Lucy caught his hand and held him tight. He looked at her.

"Is that all you will say to me?" she said desperately. "I have cried myself to sleep every night since I left Narnia because I could not bear the pain that comes with being parted from you. It feels like my soul had been ripped apart. Doesn't that matter more, Tumnus? What the soul feels and not the body?"

Tumnus rounded on her. He was clearly exhausted, but he sounded just as angry and unhappy as she did.

"My soul has been ripped apart for over a hundred years then! Every day I would wake up and wonder if you were still alive. I would have nightmares that you had died some terrible death, and I was not there to protect you."

He slumped against the wall, trying to catch his breath as he looked at her.

"You have no idea how hard it was, Lucy. No idea at all."

Lucy wept.

"It's not fair," she sobbed. "Aslan would not punish us for loving each other! I know he wouldn't. But I don't understand why he is being this cruel to us."

Tumnus caught her chin and lifted her head.

"Lucy. I am going to die, most likely very soon. I am glad Aslan has granted me a simple dying wish. All I have ever wanted was to know you are safe."

Lucy sniffled. "I don't want you to die."

Tumnus chuckled. "It is my time. Not even Aslan could stop that. Nor would he."

Lucy nodded. She looked down at the red scarf in her hands. Tumnus smiled as she looped it around his neck, settling it neatly on his chest. She looked up into the familiar, yet wrinkled face. "He granted me a wish too. I wanted to say a proper goodbye to you. I just didn't think it would be like this."

Placing his trembling hands on Lucy's waist, Tumnus leaned over to touch his lips to Lucy's mouth, his eyes fluttering closed as he felt the softness of her lips moving against his, just as they had in his dreams and from long ago memories. Her hands, so soft and warm, touched his skin and the soft fur that lined his back, twining her fingers through it.

Without realizing that he had done so, Tumnus shuffled ever so slightly closer, so that their bodies touched subtly along their lengths. Lucy, feeling his body so near, instinctively slid her arms around his neck and relaxed into him as their kiss continued.

Wanting to taste her as he had in his dreams, Tumnus parted his lips slightly to lightly lick Lucy's mouth, and she tasted just as he remembered. At the feel of his tongue, Lucy's lips parted in a soft moan. Tumnus tasted the inside of her mouth with his tongue, becoming quite dizzy when her tongue touched his.

His surprisingly strong arms tightened around her to hold her more closely. Lucy opened her eyes and let out a cry of surprise. Tumnus looked at her in alarm and drew back. His brow furrowed.

"What's the mat-" He stopped. His voice. It sounded different. It wasn't the voice of a doddering old faun. It was the voice of a faun still in his prime.

His eyes widened as did hers and he could see his reflection in her clear brown eyes.

It was if no time had passed since the day he had met her by the lamp post.

Stunned, he stepped into his bedroom to look into the looking glass. Lucy followed, equally amazed and excited.

He sputtered in astonishment and looked at her in awe. "Magic follows you wherever you go, Lucy."

In response, Lucy reached out and took Tumnus's head between her hands, her fingers sinking into his tousled hair, and she pulled him toward her, pressing her lips to his in a gently passionate kiss.

He eagerly twined his own fingers into Lucy's own silken hair, slanting his head to the side so that their mouths met more fully as his tongue tasted hers. Lucy moaned softly into his mouth, caressing his lips with her own tongue.

Their kiss gradually waned, changing to a series of gentle kisses, as if they could not bear to part entirely. Tumnus reluctantly pulled away. His end was all too near.

"I do not think this magic will last long, Lucy."

Lucy nodded, holding him tight. "What shall we do?"

Tumnus was thoughtful. "What would you have us do?"

The grown up part of Lucy wanted him to make love to her so badly she thought she would burst. But the child part of her was too scared and not ready for such things.

She looked at him helplessly. "I don't know. Part of me wants one thing but the other is too scared."

Tumnus smiled, cradling her face in his rough faun's hands. "Which part do I belong to?"

Lucy ran her fingers over his face, tracing the contour of his cheeks and drinking in the sight of his brilliant blue eyes.

"You belong to all of me," she said solemnly.

He nodded. "Yes," he whispered, placing a light kiss on her lips.

Lucy glanced towards Tumnus's bed. Obviously he'd been in it before she'd so abruptly appeared. It was a nest of warm blankets and sheets. It looked so appealing.

She looked deep into Tumnus's eyes. "I want us to make love," she said slowly.

He nodded.

"Alright," he said simply. She looked at him with wide eyes.

"But, can we?" she wanted to know. "We're so different. We might hurt each other. Is it even possible?"

Tumnus smiled shyly and kissed her, slow and deep. Then he whispered in her ear, "I won't hurt you, you can't hurt me. We will simply lie next to each other and it will be even better. We are not so different, Lucy. We love each other. That is all that matters."

Lucy smiled and nodded. A new concern flashed across her mind. It scared her. "You won't die during the night?"

Before Tumnus could respond, Lucy's love overcame her fear. She pulled him down into the bed and held him as tightly as she could, as though trying to squeeze his soul into hers. "No. It won't happen. I won't let it."

Rolling to lie half on top of her, half next to her, Tumnus felt her tongue touch his lips and he opened for her gladly, waiting until her tongue took the initiative in exploring his mouth before allowing himself to greet her as enthusiastically as he wanted to do.

Their tongues soon tangled together in a slow, sensual dance that left them both breathless when they parted.

He smiled slyly at her. "To think, this is where I have always wanted you since the day I realised I was in love with you."

Lucy looked up at him, curious. "When was that?"

Tumnus smiled, remembering the night. "At the ball for your sixteenth birthday. There were dozens of suitors all trying to get your attention and I was so jealous I thought I would rip them all to pieces if they touched you."

Lucy's eyes grew distant, remembering. "I remember the first time I knew I loved you. We were in your sitting room, drinking tea and you looked at me over the rim of your cup and I knew that I couldn't live without you."

Tumnus's voice was gentle. "You lived. We both did."

She smiled sadly. "I don't know how I will bear it, knowing you are gone."

Tumnus put his hand gently upon Lucy's cheek and turned her face toward him, and slowly pressed numerous gentle kisses to her lips, travelling from one side to the other, as if he were exploring every tiny crevice and curve. He then pressed a soft kiss to each of her eyelids, her eyes fluttering closed to accommodate him as he tenderly smoothed her hair back from her face.

His heart aching in his chest with love for her, Tumnus felt that he had never seen anything so exquisite as Lucy in his arms at this moment.

"Aslan will give you the strength, my dear sweet Lucy. Just as he gave me the strength."

Tumnus leaned forward to press his lips to hers. His lips were warm and demanding upon hers, and the sudden intensity, especially following such a gentle and beguiling seduction of soft kisses, caused Lucy to see stars behind her closed eyelids.

Lucy reached up to twine her arms around Tumnus's neck, just as she had done so often in her dreams, pulling him down toward her so that their bodies touched all along their lengths.

As he felt his skin come to rest against Lucy's thin dress, Tumnus moaned into her mouth, his kiss suddenly growing harder and more urgent. Lucy returned his kisses with equal fervour, their tongues eagerly tangling and tasting each other.

He pulled gently away from Lucy's mouth, allowing his lips to trace a trail to her neck, to the soft place just below her ear. Licking and nibbling her skin. Lucy sighed at his ministrations to her neck, arching her back slightly, and then she gasped as Tumnus moved up suddenly to nibble on her earlobe. She writhed beneath him.

Tumnus leaned to press another kiss to Lucy's lips, his hand coming to rest, on the curve of her chest. Lucy sighed, kissing him back harder, wanting his hands on her.

Her eyes wide and dark as she looked up at Tumnus, Lucy took his hand in hers, and moved it so that his palm was pressed to her breast. Tumnus's eyes closed as he savoured the sensation, moving his hand oh-so-slightly so that he felt the hardened nipple beneath the fabric.

Leaning down to kiss Lucy for long moments, their breaths mingling, their sighs swallowed by each other's mouths, Tumnus paused again to look down at her, his lips wet, his eyes bright with want. He reached for the top button of her dress and slowly unbuttoned it, watching her face all the while, smiling at the flare of heat in her eyes.

She wanted this as much as he did.

Lucy raised her hands then to tangle in his curls, pulling his head down for a long, passionate kiss that made Tumnus almost forget what his hands had been doing.

Realising that she'd distracted him, Lucy paused in her kisses and helped him finished undoing the buttons. She drew a deep breath and slowly slipped out of her dress and underclothes.

Tumnus could only gaze in wonder at the sight before him. It had been so long ago, the last time he had seen her, held her, and even then, they had never done anything like this, both too shy and uncertain. He looked into her eyes, awed.

"You are the most beautiful creature that has ever stepped foot in Narnia, Lucy," he said softly.

She smiled and took his scarf off, running her fingers over his chest. He shivered pleasurably at the sweetly tickling sensation. Tumnus pulled her tight, wishing he never had to let go. Lucy burrowed into the crook of his arm, her fingers reaching up to trace patterns on his face, a contented smile on her face.

"I love you Tumnus," she whispered, a sudden sleepiness descending on her. She fought it briefly, wanting to kiss him more. But after a few minutes, it was too strong.

Tumnus was also feeling suddenly tired. He gazed down at Lucy as she drifted off, snuggled up against him, as though they had slept this way for a hundred years. He smiled, filled with so much love for her, he thought he would burst.

"I have always loved you, Lucy," he whispered in her ear.

Lucy awoke to warm, sweet breath on her cheek. She recognized it instantly.

"Aslan," she sighed happily, opening her eyes and lifting her head. She smiled, delighted to see him. _How did he fit in the small room_, she wondered.

He gazed down at her with grave, but gentle eyes.

"It is morning, Lucy."

Lucy's smile faded and her chest tightened in pain. "So soon?" she whispered, gazing down at the sleeping Tumnus in her arms.

"You must let go of him, dear one. His time in this world has drawn to an end."

Lucy swiped at the tear that rolled down her cheek. "Oh, but our time was so short."

She was silent for a moment, committing every feature of his beloved face to heart.

She smiled and looked back up at Aslan. "Our time was short, but oh so precious. Thank you."

Aslan gave her a soft lion's kiss. "Say good bye, Lucy."

Trembling with effort of holding back her tears, Lucy stroked Tumnus's face. He stirred sleepily, his blue eyes opening slowly.

He smiled. "What a beautiful sight to wake up to."

She cradled his face, smiling even though her heart was breaking.

"Shhhh. It's almost morning. Go back to sleep."

He nodded, so focused on Lucy, he hadn't noticed Aslan standing only a few feet away.

"I love you," he said softly. He sighed contentedly and closed his eyes.

Lucy placed a trembling kiss on his lips and held him tight.

"I will always love you," she promised. He nodded sleepily, hearing her.

She closed her eyes when he went still a few minutes later, dying happy in her arms.

Lucy opened her eyes. She was in Tumnus's sitting room, Aslan standing opposite her. She was unsurprised to find herself a child again.

Tumnus's red scarf was in her hands. She gripped it tight.

Aslan nudged her downcast chin with the tip of his nose.

"Do not weep, dear one. His life was filled with much joy."

Lucy trembled. "I miss him already."

"Yes. Many will miss him. But all that are faithful to Narnia will be reunited."

Lucy looked up at him and smiled slowly, the bitter sorrow slowly leaving her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as far as she could reach.

"I'm glad," she sighed. Somehow, she knew deep inside that there was no need to mourn anymore. She would see both Narnia and Tumnus again someday.

She closed her eyes again, ready for Aslan to send her home.

When Tumnus's friends found him the next morning, they were surprised, yet pleased that he had died with a smile on his face. They wondered where his favourite red scarf had gone, for he was never without it. No matter how hard they searched, no one could find it.

In her own bed, on the outskirts of London, Lucy snuggled into bed as the morning sun streamed in on her. As her mother came in to wake her, Mrs. Pevensie was surprised to see a beautifully made red scarf clutched tight in her daughter's hands.


End file.
